The Gambler

     “Player’s only love you when they’re playing.” ~ Fleetwood Mac

The past week has been a whirlwind of irreversible actions, and all one can really do is roll with it. It reminds me of The Wheel of Fortune, as it spins no one has control over where it can land, because in truth, we are all entirely powerless. What’s important is to maintain the ability to step back and realize, this is all happening for a reason; what is the bigger picture?

In the heat of it all, I have out of body experiences, where I am watching all the cards being dealt, but I already know the hand that’s about to be played, yet still I hope for a different outcome.

It’s somewhat comical that I am using gambling analogies to parallel the fact that I have been seriously played, but I knew, deep down, that I was spinning the entire time. All of the signs were there, and yet I turned my face away and let my head convince my heart to look again. 

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, my ability to remain detached is being tested. If I try to see the bright side of it, I am only being shown all of my weakest points and it gives me more to do. How every trigger is handled is where I bring in my virtues. 

Which brings me to my top three virtues, Honesty, Courage, and Compassion. I constantly tell myself to Have Courage, and be Kind, and although my actions can come off as harsh I have always been truthful. We all know what these three words mean, but there seem to be  reversed meaning to virtues, just as there are with the cards.

When I began to develop my list of virtues, I had been inspired by someone I had begun talking to after the breakup. This is the person I was accused of cheating on my ex with, but in reality, we only ever spoke after the break up. More later on this. That lasted for only a few weeks until we stopped talking when he decided to give his past relationship another chance. I understood that, as much it hurt, there was a greater purpose to have met someone like him. He inspired me to strive to be the best that I can be, to live life without fear, and to take every chance you get. I am glad to have only met the essence of his spirit, as it inspired me to,

“Take the negative, and use it as your fuel.”

He explained to me how he had come up with a list of virtues. A list he could go back to when he began to feel mentally drained. He used it to remind himself of the moral excellence he strived towards, and encouraged me to write my own list. The interesting thing was the stories and meaning he put behind each one of his nine virtues.

   Using Honour as his example, he told the story of how his grandparents did everything in their power to create a better life after traveling to the country. This explained how honouring one’s elders was an important aspect of the man he wants to live up to be. It made me realize that these simple memories and feelings you could attach to each virtue created it’s foundation to hold it up.

      All of this would be impossible to maintain though without the ability to be flexible within your own virtues. Take Self Discipline, another virtue of his, which he explained to me did not necessarily level out to rigidity. To him, it was a level of self awareness that had to be maintained in order to make changes according to what served his highest purpose.  And that is what I have realized now through my most recent experience. When it comes to Honesty, Courage, and Compassion, sometimes you have to do what is right even when you know that people can get hurt.

   What serves my higher purpose in telling the truth when I know it will hurt? Well, for me honesty will always remain at the top of my list. It is curious who we decide to be honest to, usually it’s only what serves ourselves, but what if you have been that person before?

  What if you knew someone was being wronged, does the “not in my backyard” scenario apply? Do you say, karma will serve them?  Does compassion mean staying out of it?

  I wish so many times that someone would have told me, instead I allowed myself to be persuaded by wordsmiths, the blame pointed away from themselves, in an attempt to misdirect the feelings of anger and deception. Oh ,you deceived me because of them? Oh, it’s my fault I brought this on myself? 

   He told me not to say anything, and made me pinky promise after holding my cheek and telling me I was the love of his life. Don’t say anything that will hurt her, she doesn’t need to know.

  After being the girl on both ends now, the one that has been cheated on and the one that someone has cheated on their significant with, I feel I would always want the truth no matter how much it may hurt to hear. 

 Honesty: Upright; to always tell the truth and stay true to myself. Reversed; being able to accept the whole truth and not pick out the pieces you want to see.

Courage: Upright; taking action without fear of the yet to come. Reversed; not allowing fear to control your actions, or lack thereof.

Compassion: Upright; being kind to others as well as your self. Reversed; understanding when something that may not feel good is still necessary.

 

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